My Safari

Sometimes I've got my camelback/backpack on, my iPod turned up, enough water and Cliff bars, and top of the line compass. And I know without a doubt exactly where I'm going. I've got the perfect pace and I'm making good and steady progress. Then there are times when my backpack is too heavy, I can't find the perfect song, I'm running low on Cliff bars, and my compass, frankly, sucks.

I want to attach Ammon or Mariah or Athena, hell all three, to the back of my pack and chat with them during my safari. If I'm low on water, Ammon will have some to share. Mariah fills up the void so music isn't needed. If I'm ever lost then I just let Athena sniff me and she'll lead me straight away. However, this safari that I'm on doesn't allow one to bring others. It's a journey that only you can participate in in order to reach the destination that will make your trek worth it.

Once I reach the 'end' I'll experience a pride and gratitude that will make me appreciate the difficulty of the safari. Are we there yet? Nope. Not even close. Am I enjoying the adventure? Absolutely. Do my resources run low now and then? Frequently.

I don't know what I want to be when I grow up. Ha! 'Grow Up' does anyone ever really grow up? For years I wanted to be a psychologist. I got to my psychology class and hated it; the scientific, structured, memorization type of learning was not for me. I did, however, like the emotional aspect of psychology: the emotional analysis, the inner healing, working through one's issues by looking inward, etc. I am now a Social Work major. But is that really what I want to do? I don't want to be at a desk all day. I want to feel and know that I am actively doing something that is important and making a difference. I've thought about becoming a lobbyist for a group that I support and believe in. Lobbying world-wide for women who are still oppressed, sexually mutilated, murdered in honor killings, earn less in a career than a man of the same caliber, etc. Maybe I'd lobby for a group like PETA. I have a very tender spot in my heart for animals and to know that they suffer for our own pleasure makes me sick. With either one of those careers I would truly feel useful and productive. I want to invoke change. Does that translate into being a writer or campaigner in DC? Maybe a yoga teacher invoking change inside a person to take better care of themselves.

The hardest part is not knowing. I'm sure I could be happy doing any of these careers. Happiness is a state of mind; you create your own happiness. But which one will I really love and be truly passionate about? I have no option but to continue in the path my education is taking me right now and hope that I don't waste resources (time and money) on different paths in the trail (credits) that I won't need at my final destination.

The end is there somewhere even if its never really 'The End' because there will always be something worth striving for.

Love,
Kxoxo