I've decided i like the whole 'writing my thoughts out in lists' thing so here's another one:
My Reasons Why I'm Stressed Out Today List:
1. so last night i get home from work and Athena's face has these huge bumps ALL OVER her face and head :( :( :( :( my poor baby- it was so bad that i almost cried and those of you who know me know that i do not cry. there were about 20 to 25 bumps ranging from the size of a pea (on top of her head) to the size of a golf ball (on/in her lips). she was itching like CRAZY which make it worse and woke up about every half hour to an hour throughout the night yelping and barking. so i wake up thinking they will have gone down... HELL NO now insteaed of a bunch of bumps her face was one GINORMOUS bump. needless to say mariah, mike, and I trekked down to the vet at 7:30 am and they gave her a shot and some medicine to take for then next week. apparently it was some kind of allergic reaction but the swelling has already gone down a ton so whew!!!
2. I dont have a car. let me say this again: i'm twenty years old (in fifteen days- but hey who's counting) and i dont have a car!!! trust me i have a really good reason for not having one its just not something i'm going to splash all over the internet so if you dont know why you can ask me. but its horrible- i feel like a total burden on my family since we have to coordinate rides for me to and from work blech! BUt i'm saving up my money and will be getting a new one soon so whew!
3. School is staring soon and I still need to take my placement exam, do orientation, and register for classes (if you haven't already figured it out i'm the worlds best procrastinator) i also need to find the balance between paying for tuition and saving for my car but i can take the placement exam on saturday, do orientation and register online sunday or monday and then figure out tuition whew!!
4. My work schedules suck! i'm told i'll be working a specifice schedule and it doesn't happen, i tell my other work what days i can work and they schedule me otally opposite days. I mean c'mon i know i'm awesome ;) but not so awesome that i can split into 5 different people: work #1 kesley, friends kesley, work #2 kesley, family kesley, sane kesley. I will just have to talk to my managers and hopefully by getting the communication lines flowing set up a defenite schedule whew!
5. Emily lives so far away but i want to play all night and day... and i dont have a car so it makes getting to logan a little challenging BUT as previously stated in #2 I have the car situation worked out so double WHEW!
now i think i should end this post on a more positive note! I do not mean to complain but i de-stress better once i get all my woes out and work through them logically :) anyways isn't it just a B-E-A- UTIFUL day outside?!! i am so excited for spring and summer! life is just better in the summer time: summer nights, swimming, parties, friends, shorts, flip flops, shades, summer thunderstorms, making out in said thunderstorms, vacations! woo woo! holla holla! i can't wait!
xoxo
Kesl
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
Monday, March 29, 2010
Things I Like...
Ok i wrote this list about two weeks ago and never published it but here it is:
1. Athena. I don't care what anyone says about weirdos who love their dogs because I really do love her. She gives me a reason/responsibility to stay on top of things: feeding her, taking her to the vet, taking her for a walk, playing. And even on my most depressing days I can't help but smile and laugh at her in all of her sweet naive puppy cuteness. (and for all you haters out there studies show that people who own a dog show a dramatic decrease in suffering from depression)
2. The Chase. Yes i have been in love and yes I loved it and it was wonderful and i want it again BUT you cannot deny that you love the flutter flies in your tummy when he/she texts you first or leans in for your first kiss together.
3. Driving fast and singing with E. E is (was) home for spring break and as sad as it is i had forgotten how much i've missed her all this time. i'd forgotten how much i truly LOVE just driving around with her singing at the top of our lungs to all of the music we love together. i feel so untouched by everything else in those moments; as if no matter what is going on and how horrible things are i'm going to be ok because me and my best friend are still together and singing and having fun.
4. Emily Rachelle Kofford. she is my very best friend. when she moved away i thought "oh it'll be ok" "i will survive!" eh yeah not so much... i have realized how much i need a best friend and not just any old best friend by MY best friend. i can honestly say there is no one in this world that understands me as much as she does. only E will walk around wal mart with me making fools of ourselves to the extent that i truly want to- with other people it reaches a certain point and then they just think i'm an idiot. only she will ho down with me in our prom dresses in front of everyone. i love you Emily Rachelle Kofford. someone sure knew what they were doing when they gave us art and seminary together in ninth grade.
5. Dancing. it is the one act in my life that i do entirely for me. its not to please others or to prove myself or to make someone happy. it is because i love it with my entire heart. putting my emotion and heart into my body in a way that can touch people to experience my feelings. it is powerful. it is beautfiful. it is me. it is my love.
6. Talking. yes i like talking to people but i'm talking about those kinds of people you can just talk to for hours. as weird as it may sound i find them hard to come by. i've only met a handful of people that really spark my interest and can keep up an interesting meaningful conversation for an extended period of time.
7. Guys who make me laugh. Marilyn Monroe said "if you can make a girl laugh, you can make her do anything" i am totally the kind of girl that if you can make me laugh you can walk right into my heart. i love to laugh. i've only realized this though this past year when i actually haven't been laughing very often. i felt like i was suffocating and its because i wasn't getting my oxygen aka my laughter. i HAVE to laugh, its as simple as that. if i don't then i am miserable. the world is a very sad place to live in especially if you can't laugh along the way.
1. Athena. I don't care what anyone says about weirdos who love their dogs because I really do love her. She gives me a reason/responsibility to stay on top of things: feeding her, taking her to the vet, taking her for a walk, playing. And even on my most depressing days I can't help but smile and laugh at her in all of her sweet naive puppy cuteness. (and for all you haters out there studies show that people who own a dog show a dramatic decrease in suffering from depression)
2. The Chase. Yes i have been in love and yes I loved it and it was wonderful and i want it again BUT you cannot deny that you love the flutter flies in your tummy when he/she texts you first or leans in for your first kiss together.
3. Driving fast and singing with E. E is (was) home for spring break and as sad as it is i had forgotten how much i've missed her all this time. i'd forgotten how much i truly LOVE just driving around with her singing at the top of our lungs to all of the music we love together. i feel so untouched by everything else in those moments; as if no matter what is going on and how horrible things are i'm going to be ok because me and my best friend are still together and singing and having fun.
4. Emily Rachelle Kofford. she is my very best friend. when she moved away i thought "oh it'll be ok" "i will survive!" eh yeah not so much... i have realized how much i need a best friend and not just any old best friend by MY best friend. i can honestly say there is no one in this world that understands me as much as she does. only E will walk around wal mart with me making fools of ourselves to the extent that i truly want to- with other people it reaches a certain point and then they just think i'm an idiot. only she will ho down with me in our prom dresses in front of everyone. i love you Emily Rachelle Kofford. someone sure knew what they were doing when they gave us art and seminary together in ninth grade.
5. Dancing. it is the one act in my life that i do entirely for me. its not to please others or to prove myself or to make someone happy. it is because i love it with my entire heart. putting my emotion and heart into my body in a way that can touch people to experience my feelings. it is powerful. it is beautfiful. it is me. it is my love.
6. Talking. yes i like talking to people but i'm talking about those kinds of people you can just talk to for hours. as weird as it may sound i find them hard to come by. i've only met a handful of people that really spark my interest and can keep up an interesting meaningful conversation for an extended period of time.
7. Guys who make me laugh. Marilyn Monroe said "if you can make a girl laugh, you can make her do anything" i am totally the kind of girl that if you can make me laugh you can walk right into my heart. i love to laugh. i've only realized this though this past year when i actually haven't been laughing very often. i felt like i was suffocating and its because i wasn't getting my oxygen aka my laughter. i HAVE to laugh, its as simple as that. if i don't then i am miserable. the world is a very sad place to live in especially if you can't laugh along the way.
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
ok so i found this letter on another person's blog through stumble upon but its freaking funny so here it is: and just p.s. i think this woman is awesome and sarcastically hilarious
Dear Mr. Thatcher,
I have been a loyal user of your 'Always' maxi pads for over 20 years and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the LeakGuard Core or Dri-Weave absorbency, I'd probably never go horseback riding or salsa dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach in tight, white shorts. But my favorite feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can't tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there's a little F-16 in my pants.
Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever suffered from 'the curse'? I'm guessing you haven't. Well, my time of the month is starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently surging through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and I'll be transformed into what my husband likes to call 'an inbred hillbilly with knife skills.' Isn't the human body amazing?
As Brand Manager in the Feminine-Hygiene Division, you've no doubt seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customer's monthly visits from 'Aunt Flo'. Therefore, you must know about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood swings, crying jags, and out-of-control behavior. You surely realize it's a tough time for most women. In fact, only last week, my friend Jennifer fought the viole nt urge to shove her boyfriend's testicles into a George Foreman Grill just because he told her he thought Grey's Anatomy was written by drunken chimps. Crazy!
The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is just crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants... Which brings me to the reason for my letter. Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi-pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these words: 'Have a Happy Period.'
Are you f------ kidding me? What I mean is, does any part of your tiny middle-manager brain really think happiness - actual smiling, laughing happiness, is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James? FYI, unless you're some kind of sick S&M freak, there will never be anything 'happy' about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on Motrin and Kahlua and lock yourself in your house just so you don't march down to the local Walgreen's armed with a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory.
For the love of God, pull your head out, man! If you have to slap a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it make more sense to say something that's actually pertinent, like 'Put down the Hammer' or 'Vehicular Manslaughter is Wrong', or are you just picking on us?
Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, effective immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will certainly miss your Flex-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your brand of condescending bullshit. And that's a promise I will keep.
Always. . .
Wendi Aarons
Austin , T X
I have been a loyal user of your 'Always' maxi pads for over 20 years and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the LeakGuard Core or Dri-Weave absorbency, I'd probably never go horseback riding or salsa dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach in tight, white shorts. But my favorite feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can't tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there's a little F-16 in my pants.
Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever suffered from 'the curse'? I'm guessing you haven't. Well, my time of the month is starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently surging through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and I'll be transformed into what my husband likes to call 'an inbred hillbilly with knife skills.' Isn't the human body amazing?
As Brand Manager in the Feminine-Hygiene Division, you've no doubt seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customer's monthly visits from 'Aunt Flo'. Therefore, you must know about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood swings, crying jags, and out-of-control behavior. You surely realize it's a tough time for most women. In fact, only last week, my friend Jennifer fought the viole nt urge to shove her boyfriend's testicles into a George Foreman Grill just because he told her he thought Grey's Anatomy was written by drunken chimps. Crazy!
The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is just crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants... Which brings me to the reason for my letter. Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi-pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these words: 'Have a Happy Period.'
Are you f------ kidding me? What I mean is, does any part of your tiny middle-manager brain really think happiness - actual smiling, laughing happiness, is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James? FYI, unless you're some kind of sick S&M freak, there will never be anything 'happy' about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on Motrin and Kahlua and lock yourself in your house just so you don't march down to the local Walgreen's armed with a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory.
For the love of God, pull your head out, man! If you have to slap a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it make more sense to say something that's actually pertinent, like 'Put down the Hammer' or 'Vehicular Manslaughter is Wrong', or are you just picking on us?
Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, effective immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will certainly miss your Flex-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your brand of condescending bullshit. And that's a promise I will keep.
Always. . .
Wendi Aarons
Austin , T X
Amen Wendi
xoxo The redhead
Monday, February 15, 2010
"love may have the longest arms, but it can still fall short of an embrace..." Megan McCafferty
i don't know this is just such a depressing quote but thats what kind of a mood i'm in: depressing. life gets frustrating when you're raised by Disney movies and princess fairytales because life is the furthest thing from a fairytale. Sure, you can have your fairytale for a while but it always fades away into real life again. finding happiness within yourself is the only true way to have real happiness; not by relying on others, or things, or mindless rules. you must be happy with who you are - all of you- even the parts that aren't particularly favorable. it's hard relying on love to keep you happy and to have others relying on your love as well because no one will find true happiness in that kind of dependent "love" because its not pure true love at all, its selfish dependent needy fear. fear of being with only yourself because you don't think that you can make yourself happy.
this quote to me is saying that love does have the power to change things and change people but you cannot rely solely on it alone because that is when it will fall short and won't live up to its name. you must rely on and love yourself before love can make a full and profound impact on you, before it can truly heal and change you. and this is what i am trying to learn: to fully love and rely on myself, because having just me is good enough but having someone to share things with (not depend solely on) is better.
i don't know this is just such a depressing quote but thats what kind of a mood i'm in: depressing. life gets frustrating when you're raised by Disney movies and princess fairytales because life is the furthest thing from a fairytale. Sure, you can have your fairytale for a while but it always fades away into real life again. finding happiness within yourself is the only true way to have real happiness; not by relying on others, or things, or mindless rules. you must be happy with who you are - all of you- even the parts that aren't particularly favorable. it's hard relying on love to keep you happy and to have others relying on your love as well because no one will find true happiness in that kind of dependent "love" because its not pure true love at all, its selfish dependent needy fear. fear of being with only yourself because you don't think that you can make yourself happy.
this quote to me is saying that love does have the power to change things and change people but you cannot rely solely on it alone because that is when it will fall short and won't live up to its name. you must rely on and love yourself before love can make a full and profound impact on you, before it can truly heal and change you. and this is what i am trying to learn: to fully love and rely on myself, because having just me is good enough but having someone to share things with (not depend solely on) is better.
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
so i really like reading various people's blogs- particularly my friends- i LOVE knowing what they're up to, their thoughts, their opinions, etc. BUT there is one person's blog i particularly enjoy... Andrew Gerald Hales! i wish i could be more like Andy- and not just in the blogging part of life. Andy has such a confident carpe diem way of living his life and it totally shows in his blog. He just writes about things that are totally everyday things but he has a way of making them super interesting- i feel that what andy says is truly what he thinks and feels and he doesn't care what anyone thinks about it. so i suggest you take a gander at www.andrewhales.blogspot.com i hope you enjoy. and way to go andy :)
and p.s. we have not hung out forever and its a little sad
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
oh man, well i don't even know, i guess i'm just having a stupid day. don't you hate it when you have those dreams that just completely f up everything in your life- like they make you second guess everything- yeah well thats the kind of dreams i've had this whole week and they suck hard core. they freak me out and make me think that everything is going to start falling apart at the seams and that maybe i'm wrong about everything i've been doing and that if i keep going that i'll f up everything! what the hell! i HATE dreams now so thanks a whole lot dreams because you suck! you suck like one of those fish that's only purpose in life is to clean the houses of other fish! but soon i will talk about my dream specifically in detail with some one and they will reassure me that everything will be ok and that its just a dream and that it means nothing. BUT the part that i hate is that i believe that dreams are a manifestation of your sub conscience that you've been suppressing- these thoughts or feelings or whatever have now finally manifested themselves. but what if i'm wrong or better yet its that: i really do worry that i will make a mistake that will drastically alter my life and ruin it. maybe i'm afraid of change even though we're always told that change is good. the thing is though that i don't want my life to change, i'm happy with how my life is right now and that is what is important... that i'm happy now. so thank you for listening to my ridiculous rant.
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
Athena Gibbs
Athena Athena Athena its hard to know where to start. I'd been itching for a puppy for a while and finally on a hot august sunday morning Justin gave in. We drove to the Humane Society thinking we'd be good animal lovers, save a life, share our home- all that good stuff. Well freak if you can adopt a human baby they MIGHT let you adopt a dog. We were turned down because the dog was going to be an inside and an outside dog which apparently isn't allowed (who ever heard of a dog being outside as a bad thing) but "oh well, fine!" I yelled and cried in the car "we'll get a puppy then!" We drove to Layton, and picked out their second to last puppy (we were going to name her I think Harley or something like that but... no) Athena!
And of course my mom was right "having a puppy is like having a baby" - ya sure mom, rrright a baby, ok... but seriously it is except babies have insurance for their health problems! I don't even want to think about how much money we've spent on her- she has hips of a twelve year old (hip dysplasia), multiple (and when I say multiple I mean for 3 + months) of Urinary Tract Infections so we'll be needing new carpet when she actually is potty trained, x- rays, swallowing rib bones WHOLE, and the most heartbreaking- hearing that we'll probably have to put her down in a few months (our fingers are still crossed).
So as I'm writing this ode to our dog what is she doing? She's chewing on a spoon she found somewhere behind our couch haha she'll eat anything but apples and carrots are her favorite.
Athena throws her own toys for herself (literally) she loves animals but is intimidated by big dogs so instead of playing with her own size she'll happily squish the pip squeaks who dare play with her. Ok enough writing about my dog I'm sure you hate it because I hate it when others actually think people care about their dog... but I just love her so much :)
xoxo
